What They're Saying About Us by Chip RoweUsed to be nobody knew much about zines. Mike
Gunderloy slaved away at Factsheet Five in relative obscurity
and people traded their handiwork without any mainstream reporters
trying to put a meaning to it all. Then, suddenly,
zines became the back-pocket bibles of Generation X, whatever
the hell that is. Instead of Gilligan, they were Marlon Brando.
Instead of Twinkies, they were wedding cake. Instead of Volkswagons,
they were Miadas. Everyone, from the painfully hip Details
to the stodgy New York Times to the "Readings"
section of Harper's (where excerpts from zines now seem
to outnumber those from verbose literary journals), suddenly
crowned zines as the voice of something. These days, zines
are forever being "discovered" by some young intern,
who notifies some young editor, who sends a young breathless
reporter to bring out the cliches and endless social worker analysis
of ANSWER Me! and The I Hate Brenda Newsletter. Let's review
the record: "WebZines," Penthouse,
May 1996 Zines Are.... "a very little magazine" Webzines Mentioned: Addicted to Noise, Covert Action Quarterly Quote Seth? No, goes with Jerod Pore of F5 Electric. Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Webzines: "More than 1,000" Bonus Points: +5 for citing Sturgeon's Law as it applies
to zines, -5 for messing up one of the Web addresses. Comment: Filler column for a slow month. "Bet You Can't Browse Just One,"
Newsday, April 21, 1996 Zines Are.... "Like potato chips...you can't
settle for just one" Webzines Mentioned: Addicted to Noise, Blue Penny Quarterly,
bOING bOING, BRETTNews, ClueLass Mystery Newsletter, Cybersphere,
Daily Muse, DargonZine, Edge, eGG Quote Seth Friedman, current editor of F5? No. Quote Mike Gunderloy, past editor of F5? No. Estimate of Webzines: "Approximately 1,000" Bonus Points: +5 nice selection, good line about potato
chips Comment: Well done (mentions this guide). "Zine Dreams," New York
Times Magazine, December 17, 1995 Zines Are.... "occasionally obscene and invariably
idiosyncratic," "vanity projects," "a place
where the author is in command." Zines Mentioned: Ersatz, Beer Frame, Dirty, The Voluptuous
Horror of Karen Black, Bolt Flash, Boiled Angel, Crap Hound,
ANSWER Me!, Murder Can Be Fun Quote Seth? Yes. "Zine culture is the inspiration
for the mainstream media." Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: None. Bonus Points: None. Find something else to write about,
already. Comment: Fuck the New York Times. "Hot 'Zines on the Web,"
Time, September 4, 1995 Webzines Are.... "bright new publications,"
"primitive" Webzines Mentioned: Word, Total New York, IntrrrNrrrd,
FaT GiRL, Urban Desires, SnuffIt, Mr. Showbiz Quote Seth? No. Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Webzines: "Hundreds" Bonus Points: None. Only a few of these are zines in spirit. Comment: Log off, Time. "Zines of the Times: Have an
Obsession? Then, Why Not Publish Your Own Magazine," The
Wall Street Journal, September 1, 1995 Zines Are.... "a national obsession," "the
poor man's version of vanity book publishing," "at
the bottom of the publishing food chain," Zines Mentioned: Murder Can Be Fun ("a granddaddy
of zines"), Teen Mom, Bully, The I Hate Brenda Newsletter,
Madame C, Report from the Star Wars Generation, ANSWER Me!, Yo!
NaCl Quote Seth? Yes. Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: More than 50,000 Bonus Points: +5 for recognizing a great zine, MCBF, when
they see it Comment: Fuck the Wall Street Journal. "Now, the Magazines of 'Me,'
" The New York Times, May 14, 1995 Zines Are.... "public diaries," "more
outrageous than Geraldo, much hipper than the Internet and fueled
by some sloppy solipsism" Zines Mentioned: Pagan's Head, Dishwasher, Chip's Closet
Cleaner, Notes From the Dump, Pathetic Life, Tom's Life, Ricknews,
Susan's Letter to You, Glen Burnieland, Even Tank Girls Get the
Blues, Sludge Pond, Rollerderby, You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahato
News Quote Seth? Yes. "Zines are by and for people who
are sick and tired of mainstream culture and the mainstream press." Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: 20,000 to 50,000 Bonus Points: -10 No addresses, as usual. What did we
expect? Comment: Fuck the New York Times. "Behind the Zines," Rolling
Stone, August 25, 1994 Zines Are.... "defiantly small-time," "slightly
subversive" Zines Mentioned: Ben Is Dead, DreamWorld News, Pills-a-Go-Go,
Teenage Gang Debs Quote Seth? Yes. "A zine is a publication where the
ego is bigger than the income." Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: 20,000 to 50,000 Bonus Points: + 5 for letting a zinester write it (Stephen
Sherrill of "Paris in the '20s") Comment: Fuck Rolling Stone. "Zines: A Tour of Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time
Publications," Playboy, June 1994 Zines Are....: "just below the surface of the
mainstream media" Zines Mentioned: It's a Wonderful Lifestyle, Murder Can
Be Fun, Voices of Spirit, The Picardian, Fugitive Pope, Dishwasher,
The Last Prom, Roller Sports Report, Paranoia, Pills-a-Go-Go Quote Seth? No. Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: "thousands" Bonus Points: +25 article by which all others must be
judged (I wrote it). Comment: Predictable middle-class white boy bullshit. "Zine-o-phobia," Phoenix
New Times, May 4-10, 1994 Zines Are....: "low-budget ruminations" Zines Mentioned: Thing, Grind, Ben Is Dead, Wide Awake,
Taste of Latex, Attitude Problem, Hooker, Cactus Prick Quote Seth? Yes. "The future of journalism is zines." Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: No guess Bonus Points: +5 mentions zines in same sentence as "Poor
Richard's Almanac," +5 Grind editor disses Ben is Dead;
-5 odd titlefear of zines? Comment: Ho-hum. "Magazines Like You've Never
Seen," Miami Herald, February 7, 1994 Zines Are....: "little advertising but plenty
of attitude" Zines Mentioned: bOING bOING, Jack Ruby Slippers, Satan
Wears a Bra, Gnonis, Covert Action Quarterly, Gray Areas, ANSWER
Me!, Cross-Talk, Smart Drug News, Diseased Pariah News, Girljock,
It's a Wonderful Lifestyle, Prison Life, Whorezine, Mercury Rising,
Presence, Short Circuit, Skeptical Inquirer, Frostbite Falls
Far Flung Flier, American Window Cleaner, European Trash Cinema,
Black Leather Times, Twilight of the Idols, Science Fiction Eye. Quote Seth? No. Goes with Richard Kadrey of "Covert
Culture Sourcebook" Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: No guess. Bonus Points: -25 Ignore Seth? Major faux pas. Comment: What people won't say to sell their books. "Think it, publish it: the zine
scene, " San Francisco Examiner, January 23, 1994 Zines Are....: "labors of love" Zines Mentioned: Welcome to Our World, 8-Track Mind, Eraser
Carver Quarterly, The Nuditarian, Better Homos and Gardens, Murtaugh,
I Love Amy Carter, Three Twenty-Seven, Screen Dump, Mom, Glen
Burnieland Quote Seth? Yes. "You do it for ego, not profit." Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: 20,000 to 50,000 Bonus Points: +5 mentions zines in same sentence with
Benjamin Franklin's "Poor Richard's Almanac" Comment: Wide-eyed and deferential. "Telling All With Wit and Rage,"
Los Angeles Times, January 3, 1994 Zines Are....: "international postal salon inspired
by equal parts humor and rage" Zines Mentioned: I Love Amy Carter, Thorn, X Magazine,
L.A. Gang Bang, Mom, Nine Months After Diagnosis, Dishwasher,
Seamonkeys From Guatemala Quote Seth? Yes. "Seattle, Austin and San Francisco
really kick butt" in zines-per-capita Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: 20,000 to 50,000 Bonus Points: +5 notes importance of zines as chronicler
of age when paper documentation is scarce, +5 mentions zines
in same sentence with Thomas Paine's "Common Sense,"
-5 for quoting expert who calls zine readers "voyeurs" Comment: Slow news day. "Soapbox Samurai," Details,
August 1993 Zines Are....: "invisible literature," "political
without being politically correct" Zines Mentioned: Ben Is Dead, Cometbus, No Longer a Fanzine,
Poppin' Zits, Motorbooty, Maximum Rocknroll, Silicon Womb, Holy
Titclamps, Queer Zine Explosion, Diseased Pariah News, Murder
Can Be Fun, Food for Thought, Whorezine, Taste of Latex, It's
a Wonderful Lifestyle, Why Music Sucks, Rollerderby, On Our Backs,
Bad Newz, Duplex Planet, Your Flesh, Flipside, Subterranean Pop,
Forced Exposure, Feedback, Contribution, Infected Faggot Perspectives,
I Hate Brenda Newsletter, Girl Germs, Pool Dust. Quote Seth? Yes. Ninety percent of zines "are just
shit." Quote Mike? Yes, explains origins of F5 name Estimate of Zines: 10,000 Bonus Points: -10 Refers to MCBF's postal worker issue
as his "most famous," when everyone knows his "Death
at Disneyland" is better, +5 photo of Debbie "Answer
Me" Goad sucking on a big ol' cigar got me hot and bothered Comment: Fuck Details. "Wacky magazines know no limits,"
USA Today, August 3, 1992 Zines Are....: "wacky, obscene, gross, tender,
funny" Zines Mentioned: Diseased Pariah News, Troubled Times,
Walking Stick News, Urine Nation News, Geraldo Must Die!, Flapjack,
Noisy Concept, Lookout!, Obscure Publications, Funny Pages, Far
Corner, The Last Prom, Flipside, The Sabot Times, Scream, Murder
Can Be Fun, Food for Thought, Scream Box, Processed World. Quote Seth? No. Quote Mike? No. Estimate of Zines: No guess. Bonus Points: +5 kept guesswork to a minimum Comment: Introduced zines to the McDonald's set "My Magazine, My Self: Becoming
A Media Event Without Leaving Home," Village Voice Literary
Supplement, March 1991 Zines Are....: "contacts, not contracts" Zines Mentioned: Letter Parade, L.A. Gang Bang, Sidney
Suppey's, It's a Wonderful Lifestyle, Kreature Comforts, Monk,
Out West, Derogatory Reference, Sandcastles, Nancy's Magazine Quote Seth? No. Quote Mike? Yes. "People don't have to accept being
spoon-fed a life." Estimate of Zines: No guess. Bonus Points: +5 for having zinester write it (Pagan Kennedy
of "Pagan's Head") Comment: Way ahead of the curve. "If a 'Zine' is Weird, This
New Yorker Has It," Associated Press, 1989 Zines Are....: "slavish devotion," "obsessive
detail" Zines Mentioned: American Window Cleaner, Civilian Defense,
Chokehold, Daily Cow, Frostbite Falls Far-Flung Flier, Filth,
the Lame Monkey Manifesto, Nuclear Mutinous Dogs, Occasional
Journal of Nothing in Particular, Maximum Rocknroll, Flipside,
The Colleen Scene Quote Seth? No. Quote Mike? Yes. "It has happened that the Rensselaer
post office has sent me stuff just because it looks flaky." Estimate of Zines: 6,000 Bonus Points: +5 Major exposure (ran in New York Times,
Los Angeles Times) Comment: Two birds, one stone. More Mentions return
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