1. Tattoo it to your ass
2. Have stoplight squeegee guys offer a free issue with any purchase
3. Ask your representative in Washington to read it into the Congressional Record
4. Post it to every Internet newsgroup using the subject line "How to Find XXX Sites!" or "Make Money Fast!"
5. Read it aloud into your friends' answering machines
6. Print it on dollar bills and go shopping at the Mall of America
7. Print it on business cards and go to a convention
8. Compose it in your head and use ESP
9. Have the CIA drop it on Latin American peasants
10. Hand it to tourists in New York City and say it has a map inside
11. Start a zine club and offer 12 for the price of one
12. Do Spanish language and Braille editions
13. Only send it to people you've slept with
14. Send people money and tell them if they send it back, they can have a copy of your zine
15. Print it on the back of your high school's diplomas before graduation
16. Use its contents as the lyrics and write a Top 40 love song
17. Commit a capital crime and as your final statement before your execution, hand your zine out to the media
18. Write your phone number on it and give it to people at bars
19. Trade it with the Amish
20. Print it on Post-It notes and leave reminders for everyone
21. Print it on a T-shirt and wear it until your next issue comes out
22. Convert an old candy machine into a zine dispenser
23. Ask the local porn shop if they'll use it instead of cardboard over the covers of the magazines
24. Leave it under little kids' pillows when they lose a tooth
25. Name your zine "Emergency Instructions" and slip it into airplane seat magazine pockets.